Why is it I spend more time here than you ?..........

..................I'll tell you why, cause I can write anything now and be uninhibited. That's right.....Hello schmuckie...........Just kiddink.......I will today tell the best B-man story ever told. The one that, everytime I think of it, makes me laugh myself silly.
It happened one hot August afternoon. That's right the sun was angry, my friend. Tempers were on the hair trigger. There we were a full painting crew of 6 in a house of a man who had the finest of everything. The only thing he didn't possess were the social graces he needed to deal with the 6 "peon" painters he had trampling all over his humble abode.
I saw this immediately and went into what I did best. I oversaw every step of the operation to put my customer at ease. The only problem was how I was going to keep a lid on my two wise guys. Bobby and Vinny. As we began to get ready his magnificent living area, I first pulled Frick & Frack over and said, "Listen this guy is old and crotchety, and probably is only going to put up with a thimble full of us being non-professional. So do me a favor and let anything he says to you, roll off your backs"
I did what I did second best and directed EVERY stage of the operation. We just about packaged and moved a "Baby Grand" pie-ano about two feet. All along, for some strange reason this guy zeroed in on my buddy "the B".......... Vinny wasn't even on the radar. Which was surprising because he was just a punk. There they were doing everything as I directed, as they watched me doing everything but fan this guys head so the heat wouldn't get to his brain.
I stood next to him to hide him from Bobby. There he was sipping his lemonade, not even offering a warm cup of piss to the parched crew, and watching, lurking, listening to every sound coming from the direction of "the B". He would be sipping and then I would hear this gurgling sound of him not being fast enough to spew his diatribe. " Hey you, watch out for that umbrella stand." Or, "Don't put that there, that's a genuine Fragoshwhar" I felt bad for the little B-guy, but I got over it quick because this was payback for all the times he got uppity. I even went so far as to tell the customer. "Don't worry we have everything under control and we will take good care of everything" But there he was, like a big old mongoose watching his quarry. "You! You! Easy when you take off that switchplate"
Settling him down became a little easier after I sent Bobby to get coffee. I even got to chat with the old codger, and had Bobby not gotten back, I might have been able to call him friend. He was telling me of a delivery of two leather easy chairs that was coming and asked where we could put them. I assured him it wouldn't be a problem and that we would help in any way.
With all of my schmoozing, it didn't deter "the B" from incurring his wrath, UNTIL that one brief shining moment when Bobby took the old guys lemonade pitcher and moved it to a secure location, without spilling a drop and concealing so well the fact that somehow a little spittle made its way to the ade. I was so proud I think I shed a tear. I think the old guy knew Bobby was my "go to" guy and decided to open a dialogue. Bad move.
He ended the tension by asking, "Bobby, my delivery is here. Would you help those guys bring them in the den?" Without any hesitation came the greatest line ever heard in the workplace. I flinched because I knew it was coming and could do nothing about it. I seen Bobby's brow turn and then his lips move, ready to impart some wise words, "Oh, now its Bobby.............What happened to SCUMBAG????" Well either the guy became ashamed of himself or became a full time mute cause he was never heard from again that afternoon, the job got done and "the B" made foreman.